Day 89: Powerful Things

Do you need more power in your life? Here are three things that are brimming with authority, but that are readily available. Things that make people think to themselves, "Oh NO."

Caution Tape

Hung with the proper amounts of haste and practicality, caution tape causes passersby to immediately think to themselves, "Oh no, this is serious." But mind that the tape is hung with those two qualities. Don't hang it perfectly; it shouldn't look like it's been prepared by a 1950's housewife getting ready for company. But it shouldn't fall off easily, either. Go for strong

diagonal lines that could only have been tied in a hurry. Remember, this is an emergency, and in emergencies, people will do anything for you.

Manila Folders / Envelopes

If you need power while in motion, take a manila folder. You'd be surprised how many security checkpoints this little number can get you past. Follow the following mind dialogue from a potential security obstacle.

"Hm, here comes someone...OH NO, he's got something important in his hand. No id tag...but I bet it's behind that manila folder. Nope, not wearing id, but that folder looks WAY crucial to [event's] progress. With all that urgency, I would have forgotten my id too. Wow, are those khakis pleated in front as well as in back?"

Tip: Don't stay somewhere for too long, unless you are checking your watch and receiving six messages on your pager.

Even sheepish looking, Exorcism producing William Baker has the authority to step out of this vehicle in traffic. Without that envelope, the sheer force of our blank stares would shrink him back into his car.

Clipboards

These can be the most difficult to master. The most common problem with powerless clipboards is that there is nothing behind the clip. An empty clipboard conveys the message, "my promises are empty." What are you doing with that clipboard, man? 'Keeping track.' Keeping track of what? There's nothing there, dude.

A clipboard is an extension of the mighty hand that holds it. Observe above. Clipboards amplify each gesture you make, but their real power is unleashed when you don't move them at all. While demanding something from someone, hold the clipboard in one hand and a writing implement in the other. As you make each demand, tap with the end of your pen to imaginary paragraphs that delineate exact specifications for how your demands can and will be met.

The reaction you will most likely provoke? 'Oh NO, I will feel supreme shame if I fail to fulfill [task].'

Don't be shy to use these techniques, no matter who you are. A petite, snow haired grandma could be very intimidating with a mean looking clipboard. I bet even a pony-tailed shirtless guy in his forties with no shower could make something happen with a well-chosen manila envelope.